For a lot of people, i think that BDSM is purely sexual – they do it cos it gets them wet or hard. And there’s nothing at all wrong with that, but for me, BDSM is more than just foreplay. In fact, I would be perfectly happy if there was never any “sex” involved in the scenes I bottom in. It’s not that I’m not physically turned on by the play i do – i am often very, very wet at the end of play, but more that my head doesn’t process it in a way that makes me feel ooooh so horny.
I dont think i’m the only girl around who can be dripping wet, and yet not feel turned on, or can feel incredibly turned on and yet be bone dry at the same time. It’s almost like my head and cunt are not communicating fully. Of course there are many times when they are in agreement, but what about the times when they’re not? Sometimes all it takes is a bit of stimulation in the right area and both head and cunt decide they like what’s going on. Sometimes though my mind doesn’t catch up and get turned on. That doesn’t mean though that I can’t enjoy the stimulation and orgasm from it, but it’s something……. almost different to sexual.
It’s the same when i get into BDSM play. My mind doesn’t make it something directly sexual, it’s a different type of pleasure. I can orgasm, either from vibrators, fingers etc, or from the pain itself – especially from caning. But some types of pain take me somewhere else.
Earlier this week W re-cut His mark on my thigh, and gave me a new cutting on my bum (don’t worry, that one’s out of the way enough that i can carry on getting spanked and caned while it heals 
) and although it followed on from the end of quite a playful session, it was very intense. From the first moment the blade touched my skin, it hurt more than i was prepared for, and i couldn’t find any pleasure in the pain. I had to fight to keep my body still, to avoid messing up the design, and i growled and grunted through the pain – my usual breathing techniques weren’t helping me to allow the pain to flow through me. Then came the next step, which was going over the cutting with the cauterising pen. This is usually the bit i look forward to, i love the sensation of being burnt, but I knew this was going to be painful as well. And it was. The pain went on just that moment too long for it to be pleasurable, to give me the orgasm i usually get from being burnt.
That was just the mark on my bum. The process played out again with his mark on my thigh, the fight to keep still through the cutting, the intense burning that was too long to derive any pleasure, and then it was done.
It was only after it was over that i was able to relax my body, regain control of my breathing and drift off. It was such a peaceful place to go to, almost like meditation. I didn’t want to be disturbed. W read my mood correctly and tidied away the toys around me, before wrapping me up warm and helping me downstairs for chai and chocolate.
There was nothing sexual about the experience of being cut, and i dropped hard the next day, but in amongst the aches and general droppy feelings, i was SO, OMG, seriously horny. Unfortunately W was out, and by time he got home the horniness had passed, but I often wonder why i feel the sexual feelings related to play 24 hours later, when i’m usually in no fit state to do anything about it!!!
I do have more to write about this, but as i’m so tired right now, it probably wouldn’t make any sense (assuming what i’ve just written does make sense – lol), so i think i will revisit this subject tomorrow.
